Black Friday a really special night for me. 2 years ago on the same polar train ride it was the night I decided I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. It was the night I stopped making excuses as to why I couldnt live a healthy happy life and started focusing on what I could control…myself.
2 years later I’m down 240lbs. My life’s not perfect by any means but im perfectly happy.
When your super morbidly obese losing weight isnt for looks or vanity. It’s not someone trying to knock out that last 10 lbs or your doctor casually mentioning you should probably shed a few pounds to help out with the knee pain. It’s a race to overcome some dark demons that have you slowly poisoning yourself for months and years. An addiction to food that you know is hurting you but you feel powerless to stop. A depression so strong you really dont care that food is killing you because it’s the only thing you feel you can rely on. it’s the only thing that brings you joy daily.
It overwhelms me when I think back not on the weightloss I’ve achieved but on the depth of my transformation mentally. Black Friday I turned down peanutbutter pie. It looked like a really good piece of pie. Like one of those jaw dropping desserts someone orders at a restaurant and you know you have to get you some of that too. 2 years ago I’d have ordered 2 just because I could. Not Friday. Friday I could rationally say yeah that looks good but I really dont need it. I was comfortably full and had my indulgences yesterday. Why make myself sick with more sugar I don’t need.
Will I go back for said pie? One day god willing yes. It really did look that good. Do I feel like I’m missing out on life because I didnt eat said pie? No. Lifes not about the pie. It’s about the people we eat pie with. The adventure of finding a new place you enjoy. Traditions and adventures that take us to new places and meet new people.
Watching the joy on those kids faces was a million times better then the cookies they served on the train. I couldnt have said that 2 years ago. Because my love of food outweighed everything in my life. This freedom from food is the best gift yet.