I dont talk about one of the most important parts of my transformation often. Its something very personal to me. One of the most important parts of my transformation is my relationship with God.
Growing up I was raised in a Brethern Church some of my favorite childhood memories is playing with my friends at bible school in the summer. I grew up in a very rural area. So during the summer play time with friends was scarce besides the few kids that would come over for my grandma to baby sit. So a week with 20 or 30 other kids was a blast. I also remember the church being the first place I encountered judgement. Ironically. Watching adults gather around during breaks to gossip about others. One year at bible school an adult yelled at me for eating to many s’mores. Saying there was no way I was still hungry after eating THAT many. But it was also one of the first places I learned about loving others outside the family. Treating everyone the way we wanted to be treated and helping out those less fortunate then ourselves.
Years later after a lifetime of being negative hating myself and feeling like I was less then worthy I woke up one day sick and tired of being me…a person always looking for the negative in any situation. A person who was never grateful or happy with what I had. When I started taking my supplements that helped clear my brain fog it seemed like I could think more clearly. I realized what I had been doing my entire life. Throwing gods blessings back in his face. Not appreciating the days I’d been given.
My life wasnt perfect. I was in pain. I was broke. But God had given me an amazing daughter. A new day to live and make new choices. Just like that a mental flip had switched inside me. Every day I was given really was a blessing. It wasnt up to god to fill every day with rainbows and butterflys. I was given the blessing of choices. I could choose to be grateful. I could choose to start treating my body and my health as a blessing instead of continuing to throw garbage on a dumpster fire as I had been for years.
Thats what being an adult is really about. As kids our parents are our guides. Helping us choose the best choices for us even when they arent what we would rather do. We have the choice to pick the healthy option that honors the gift of life god gave us. Or we can choose to continue to be ungrateful for the life and body we’ve been given.
In a matter of a minute it all became clear to me. God gave me this day. This life. But what I do with it is up to me. I can choose to let life run me or I can run my life. I cant control anything but myself. But it had been years since I had taken responsibility for my own actions. My own choices. I wasnt sure how to hold myself accountable anymore
I used my knowledge from attending all those Sunday Services with grandma to help me make the choices I thought god would want me to. Stopped treating my body like that blazing dumpster fire to cheap fast and easy choices and started treating it like it should have been… a temple make sure my choices were honoring what I thought god would want.
I dont attend Sunday Services currently but every Sunday Morning rain or shine I take a walk outside to look at the beauty of his design. Whether conscious or not I always end up in deep thought as to why god blessed me with this life. Why God has chosen this path for me this journey. I dont think he has chosen for me to experience it to keep to myself just because he wanted to teach me a lesson. Instead I choose to believe god has shown me how much happier and humble we become when we choose to be grateful. Choose to thank him for each day regardless of what happens. Because in a blink of an eye it can all be over.
One day our families will wish we had just one more day to spend with them. Just one more to finish up what didn’t get said or done. Its my goal in life that when god chooses to bless me with a new journey not on this planet. That I don’t have anything left undone or said that I’ll regret in the next life. I know in my heart god wants me to live a life full of love and gratitude for each and every day.