Repost from 1 year ago…
I spent so much of my time trying to shrink over the last 18 months it’s a bit bizarre for me to want to see growth now… growth in my muscle size.
As a larger women I dreamt of being smaller. wished of being smaller. Worked to be smaller. so now that my intention is to grow in a healthy way and promote muscle growth it’s hard to change my mind set.
I still find myself wanting to do cardio. Mentally kicking myself for eating more then I’m use to.
It’s not something I consciously do. It just happens . When your someone who motivates internally and pushes yourself to be better then the day before it’s hard to flip that internal script.
Somedays it feels like I’m spinning my wheels much like when I weighed 420lbs was addicted to food and just couldnt figure out how to make myself change.
Still taking it a day at a time. Focusing on enjoying life and staying positive after all lifes a journey. Sometimes we just have to stop and smell the roses and enjoy where were at. We may not get there as fast as others. But well get there in our own time.
I know my skin hides a lot of the progress. I know I’ll never look like an Instagram fitness model but I will keep pushing to be the best version of myself as I can be. Keep enjoying my fitness transformation on my own terms.
I’ve developed a unhealthy habit of comparing my body to others in the same fitness level as me. I’d be lying if I didnt wish sometimes I could have a body that looked like someone who hasn’t gone through extreme weightloss. But one thing I do to help myself is remember I just lost 240lbs so it’s ok that I dont look like them. It’s ok that where I want to look hard I still carry that softness from my skin. At first I was upset with myself that I kept picturing my body without my skin. Now I realize it’s ok. I need to know where I really stand because honestly if I was as small as someone else in the same physical shape as me I’d possibly be underweight.
Comparison is the stealer of joy. So while it’s nice to be competitive and have goals with others it’s much more rewarding and satisfying to focus on personal growth