Confession: Not that excited for Thanksgiving.
I usually look forward to stuffing balls but lately I’ve seem to lost my appetite for them. I eat things I love everyday that fuels my body and doesn’t leave me feeling heavy overstuffed or boated. Its hard to want to put something into my body I know I’m gonna regret later. So I plan to eat what I do want and leave the rest.
I love holidays but this is one I really struggle to celebrate with everyone else. Feasting isn’t my favorite activity after recovering from BED if you know what I mean… I use to punish myself by eating so much Id make myself sick.
I hated myself so much anytime I made a mistake or felt like I wasn’t good enough I thought I needed to be punished. I’d eat incredible amounts of food not for fun but to hurt me. When life felt out of control I’d eat entire bags boxes or containers worth of food to feel like I was in control of something. Usually that control was in the form of shoving food down my throat until it was completely gone even when it hurt.
So now the idea of stuffing myself on highly processed foods until I’m sick doesn’t really feel fun or holidayish. Usually I have a Turkey Trot I look forward to running with my sister but running a virtual turkey trot just doesnt quite feel the same.
I’m grateful for all my abundant blessings but its hard to be happy when so many others are suffering.
Listening to a mom talk about the death of her 30 year old son from COVID and having her first Thanksgiving without him hit me hard.
If you just aren’t feeling festive or excited for the holidays this year I just want you to know you aren’t alone and its ok to not feel “normal”.
Macyn will be with her dad for Thanksgiving and we are having a close family lunch so luckily I dont feel the pressure to “fake it”. What are your plans for Thanksgiving this year? How do you feel about them?