Do you remember your first binge?

I still remember the first time I binged until I puked. I was a kid watching the super bowl at home. Upset I hadn’t been invited to a party.

Then in 7th grade I started skipping meals to prove to myself I could control what I ate. I started eating paper at night my stomach was so empty after I’d learned in science our bodies can’t break down cellulose.

I dropped 100 lbs the summer between my junior and senior year of high school by running for hours a day in the summer heat in-between football workouts.

In college Id flip back and forth between working out at the gym 2 or 3 times a day to visiting the all you can eat buffet 2 or 3 times a day.

At 23 I started volunteering at work to run out and grab lunches. I’d eat 1 lunch in my car and a 2nd lunch back at work with my coworkers.

At 27 I weighed 420lbs. I ate 2 Chicken Charley Omlette Bagels for Breakfast and every meal out. I could easily consume over 6 meals a day. I ate to avoid life. When I was eating I didn’t have to think about anything but how good the food was.

Eating disorders aren’t all or nothing. Theres a spectrum we travel on if we don’t address the root cause of our issues; we will travel on forever missing out on life as we obsess over our self worth. Mistakenly believing our value is tied to our image and control over our weight. Whether its restriction or over consumption; my issue never was just with food its with myself.

At the age of 31 I’m still learning my self worth has nothing to do with what I eat or what I weigh. My worth is not tied to my size. My being is more then my image. I am more then society sees.

Mental and Physical Health is priceless. Blessed are those that find it easily. Dedicated are the ones that continually chase it. Tormented are the ones who believe it outside their grasp.

1 Comment. Leave new

  • This is so relatable! I donโ€™t remember my first binge, but I remember the emotions associated with each one. At 29 I find myself struggling every now and then to avoid the same tendencies, especially when stressed, but it does push me to the other end of the spectrum. I received a few pictures of my 15/16 year old self from my aunt two days ago and it made me want to start purging again because I was HUGE!!! I

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