I’m writing a book…

I wanted to write a book. Common sense told me to write a weight loss book. At first it was going to be a “how to” book but there’s a million of those that no one follows anyway. Then I wanted to write a book about my story. While my story can inspire those looking for inspiration I don’t know if it needs its own book. Honestly, I’m not sure the world is ready for my full story yet. Today as I sat crying at my desk asking myself how I ended up “here” I realized I managed to completely and totally transform my life but still am not satisfied with my “job.” Shedding over 240 lbs without surgery. Going from a food addict with limited mobility to a fully functioning mother training for a marathon in less time then most people even believe is possible. Its all small beans compared to life afterwards…

When I reached my goal weight I decided I needed a change of careers. I was in high risk lending. Managing a largish size branch and had a few employees working under me. I knew I was capable of more. I wanted more out of life. I didn’t know what to do though. I had a passion for self love health and fitness but believed theres no real way I could make money doing that.

There is no book out there titled what to do after you lose 240 lbs naturally. There’s not a guide. No check list. Not even a “how to” pamphlet on how you choose to make money after you’ve gone through this incredibly spiritual and raw journey. When you are under this intense period of time where your mind is open and your learning new things the world is your oyster. Your loving life. Crushing personal goals. Feeling great. For me I just feel in love with life wanting to help others and keep climbing this never ending ladder of self improvement work hard and play harder attitude.

So me being me I just tried it. I picked a new career. Insurance. I had a degree in applied economic management. I knew about it. Studied in college but assumed I’d grow up one day to become a investment advisor in my younger years. Until I decided I didn’t want that weight on my shoulders. The weight knowing that people have killed themselves over when markets have dropped. So I went into lending after a short stint as a financial advisors assistant. The summer after I hit my goal weight I studied for some licenses passed my first time and figured if I applied the same principles to this new “legacy creating carrier idea” that I had used for weight loss I’d be successful.

I made a mistake though. You cant create passion in a randomly picked carrier. Passions are given to us. We don’t really get to pick them. We receive the gift of a passion through experiences and living life. Or maybe they are divinely handed out… Maybe were born with them and they are just waiting for us to uncover them. I don’t know the one thing I do know now is you cant force a passion. It just comes to you.

The problem with lifestyle transformations is they take a lot of time. So much time that we spend getting real dirty in our psyche we uncover a lot about ourselves. There’s not much I don’t already know about myself. I know I’m motivated by attention and recognition. I like being successful. I have a tendency to push people away and let my desire to be independent; and show people I that I am, hurt those that I love. I’m aware of alot of my faults. I can get frustrated easily when I don’t get my way. I tend to play it safe around others. Sometimes I can let my preformace impact my self confidence and self love. Sometimes I play the chameleon and pretend to know less then I really do just to see how someone else thinks. I also know I’m a hard worker a decent writer and according to my daughter the best mom which is something I grew into on this journey. I also know I am blessed to have uncovered my passion.

Now the problems with passions is usually they don’t make you any money. At least not at first or at first glance. So me being me and me not having this guide book for life after weightloss I thought I could just pick a new passion. Start a new career. Give it the same drive and hard work that I put into myself and everything would turn out the way I wanted it too. Funny things about passions. There are no exchanges. No returns. No refunds. You don’t get to just pick a new one. You will never convince yourself into a false passion. You can give up on the dreams to pursue them; one day find a job you enjoy but people will talk to you about their “passions” and when you hear them speak you’ll know if its really a passion or just balony that they are spewing.

So chapter 1 of my book is going to be about not trying to change passions.

I have a feeling this book is going to be messy. There’s probably going to be a lot rough days. A lot of fear. Some pain. I might embarrass myself. But one thing is for sure. I will learn. I will grow. I will continue to fight for everything I dream of. Because this is the only life I get. I don’t know where I am going but I know where I’ve been. I know where I came from. I know where I started out. I know how far I’ve fallen before and I know I have the courage and strength to get back up and keep going to new places rather than choosing to sink back into the comfortable knowns. I don’t know where I am headed other then I will never return to the false comfort of food addiction.