My weight hurt those I loved the most…

The hardest part of my journey probably has been acknowledging that my weight impacted others.

I didn’t know it at the time… or didn’t choose to see it as genuine concern at that moment but I hurt a lot of family members by choosing to ignore my health for so long.

I have so many family members who reach out to me for help for their loved ones. At first it caught me off guard. You cant force someone to change. Then I realized these family members reaching out to help from me aren’t trying to judge or put down their loved ones for their weight. They really do love them enough to reach out to a stranger and ask for help. They truly want to help their loved ones too.

It took me a really long time to acknowledge that fact; to admit I’d hurt mine too.

I was the person who wouldn’t talk to someone for weeks if they made a comment about my weight, id lecture someone on minding their own business, laughed and made jokes about my obesity so that others wouldn’t comment first.

I didn’t see it as a serious medical condition until it was too late. I realized just how much my life was being impacted when I got left out on a fishing trip because I couldn’t walk with the group. Afraid for my daughter that I might not wake up in the mornings due  the stress on my vital organs and to sleep apnea, wished I still lived with my sister so she would be safe. My legs were turning purple and one day soon I thought I might need amputations. Even then it took months of excruciating back pain to wear down my mind to the point I was day dreaming of ending the pain…one day when Macyn was older and didnt need me to take care of her anymore.

When your looking forward to the end your not thinking about your mother your sister your grandma or anyone else. Your just focused on the pain. You don’t want to hurt anymore. You don’t want anyone else’s judgement.

I don’t know how to change your family members mindset for them but I do know they need your love your support and your encouragement for when they do. So keep loving them. Keep inviting them to join you in living life to the fullest. They don’t need to be belittled or judged or lectured. Just invited. Because some are waiting to die instead of choosing to live.

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