This is what I’m good at…

I feel like I lost myself… again…I cut a major part out of my life for my own mental health and now there’s a hole. A big glaring hole in who I am. Cause what are we if not a sum of our daily actions; where we work, what we eat who we talk to, how we dress, what we do.

Society places such a emphases on what we physically do each day as being the biggest parts of our identity. After making the decision to step away from a large chunk of my previous responsibilities I suddenly wanted to fill this metaphorical hole… I feel like I have to decide who I’m going to be and work towards creating that person, right now. What are my new hobbies interest or friends going to be like?

I know its not healthy or the right thing to do. So instead of acting on it or hiding from it I’m going to research it and educate myself on how to move forward…again.

This is self growth. This is self love. This is failing forward. This is learning…This is what I’m really good at. Making a mess and then learning about why I did it so I don’t do it again.

In the past I’d have stuffed this hole immediately with as much food as I could get my hands on. I thank myself for already moving past that habitual mistake. I thank myself for being open minded enough to want to learn more before jumping into another game of identity creation instead of allowing myself to participate in full self discovery.

Call me crazy but maybe this time Ill finally find me…

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